It had been a long hard day. I needed to relax, put my feet up and generally chill out. I was walking through the town centre of Slobbering-under-the-Bed when I came across a newly set up coffee house.
I was unsure but I needed a good cup of something warm.
So I entered said establishment. In the corner was a huge pipe organ and the man at it was playing Toccata and Fugue In D Minor by J.S.Bach.
It must be good, or the queue wouldn't have been quite as long. Either that or the barista was no where to be seen. Hmm - it seemed to be the latter. I looked up at the extensive menu above the bar which was subtitled The Freshest Coffee Brewed From North Sea Coffee Beans. I'd never thought of the North Sea as a great place to grow coffee beans. I remembered reading once that five minutes after falling in the North Sea you'd be dead from hypothermia. English seaside resorts beat the hell out of Amity Island with all that waiting around for a shark when here the water will get you way sooner.
The barista appeared out of nowhere carrying a large wet fish and a bucket of moist seaweed. He sprinkled seaweed over everyone and proceeded to hit us with the fish. We started to protest.
"Captain's orders. How can you appreciate the ambience unless you've been hit by a large cod and covered in seaweed?"
The woman behind me let out a yelp, "I've been bitten by a small crab!" she exclaimed.
"That'll be extra. Let the man behind the bar know and we'll add it to your tab."
Damp and smelly, we continued to queue. The music got louder as the man at the organ really got into the swing of things.
The chap in front of me got his coffee - it looked unexpectedly good.
"Would you like sprinkles on that sir?" The barista asked.
"Are they chocolate or cinnamon?"
It's at moments like this when you understand why tea is still a popular drink in England.