Friday, 3 February 2012

Would You Like Sprinkles On That?

It had been a long hard day. I needed to relax, put my feet up and generally chill out. I was walking through the town centre of Slobbering-under-the-Bed when I came across a newly set up coffee house.

I was unsure but I needed a good cup of something warm. So I entered said establishment. In the corner was a huge pipe organ and the man at it was playing Toccata and Fugue In D Minor by J.S.Bach.

It must be good, or the queue wouldn't have been quite as long. Either that or the barista was no where to be seen. Hmm - it seemed to be the latter. I looked up at the extensive menu above the bar which was subtitled The Freshest Coffee Brewed From North Sea Coffee Beans. I'd never thought of the North Sea as a great place to grow coffee beans. I remembered reading once that five minutes after falling in the North Sea you'd be dead from hypothermia. English seaside resorts beat the hell out of Amity Island with all that waiting around for a shark when here the water will get you way sooner.

The barista appeared out of nowhere carrying a large wet fish and a bucket of moist seaweed. He sprinkled seaweed over everyone and proceeded to hit us with the fish. We started to protest.

"Captain's orders. How can you appreciate the ambience unless you've been hit by a large cod and covered in seaweed?"

The woman behind me let out a yelp, "I've been bitten by a small crab!" she exclaimed.

"That'll be extra. Let the man behind the bar know and we'll add it to your tab."

Damp and smelly, we continued to queue. The music got louder as the man at the organ really got into the swing of things.

The chap in front of me got his coffee - it looked unexpectedly good.

"Would you like sprinkles on that sir?" The barista asked.

"Are they chocolate or cinnamon?"

"Fish scales."

It's at moments like this when you understand why tea is still a popular drink in England.


  1. ugh... fish scale sprinkles...
    *strikes Caffe Nemo from her must try list*

    1. It's not high on my list after the wet cod incident. *shudders*

  2. Hey matey, I popped through NEMO's the other day when you were out walking the octoboon. They'd just started selling a premium-price roast, served tepid, with a pair of tiny mackerel swimming in it. It was certainly different, and the fish semeed happy enough, tho they wriggled unpleasantly on the way down. We must catch up for a cup of joe with the dinky dynamo again soon. Indigo

    1. Would this place meet with Eolist's approval? They probably think a second shot involves a harpoon gun

    2. I fear not. She prefers to frequent the new breed of Frontiersman-type coffee shops. You know, where men are men, women women, and nobody touches your uber-espresso without expecting a gunfight. Roth

  3. All right - you got me. I've been trying to resist and keep out but I keep coming back - and I get the feeling that that Roth bloke is only telling half the story and the other half has to be somewhere else. I wonder if it might be here sometimes although I suspect not. {so why am I joining up?}

    I used to see you reported as a 'part-time' arch Genius and am now seeing you listed simply {?} under arch genius, so congrats on going full time. I hope that works out for you.

    Anyway - lovely blog/nice writing/good stories yadda yadda yadda so keep up the house research.

    {wanders off muttering/scratching forehead.}

    1. Thanks muchly. I'm glad I've begun your transition to street mutterer. Roth and I bounce stories backwards and forwards. Occasionally you'll find one on too like

      I'm glad we're not managing to be just a collection of "in" jokes.


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